Stolen … Chickens are sweet

“I used to steal chickens,” she blurted as we walked down the beach.

I knew it! I knew she was in her ‘confession’ mode the way she’d gone all intense when she took her first drag.

“Congratulations,” I drawled laconically, “I’m glad you’ve moved on to stealing bigger and better things.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love Tosin. She’s my closest friend, a non-judgmental spirit, whose company soothes me because she knows when to talk and when to shut the hell up.

But, like the rest of us, she has her flaws, and the most irritating one is her compulsion to confess stuff. There’s nothing I detest as much as people confessing stuff to me. I mean, do I look like a reverend father? Kindly keep your confessions to yourself man, I don’t want to know the shit you’ve been up to. I’ve been up to a lot of crap myself, but do you see me going around looking for someone to unburden myself on? Why should I make myself feel better and leave you feeling as if it was your fault I did what I’ve done? What’s the point in that?

“I’m serious here Tobi, when I was at that Polytechnic up North, I used to steal the chickens in my neighbourhood.” She looked at me earnestly, as if telling me this would transfer a million naira into my account or change the pump price of petrol.

“Okay, you used to steal chicken.” I said.

“Don’t you believe me? Don’t I look like a chicken stealer?” She asked as a big wave came whooshing out of the sea and hit the sands beneath our feet with a boom.

I stopped and stared at the breathtaking sight in front of me. The full moon shone down on the sea, which was the colour of black coffee. The water looked darkly inviting, silky, smooth, like Irish Cream sliding down your throat. I knew if I touched the sea, it would be thick between my fingers, sensuous. I can hold it, I can hold water, I want to bunch it up in my fist and allow the smoothness to run through my fingers.

I also knew it was the Mary J in-between my thumb and forefinger thinking.

“I used to be the best chicken stealer in my school in those days. I mean, students from other neighborhoods would invite me over to their place to steal chickens for them. I was that good.” Tosin broke into my thoughts.

I looked down at her in surprise, for a moment there I’d forgotten she was walking beside me. That’s the thing about her. She has that ability to melt into you, making you feel like you’re two parts of a whole. She has this knack for sharing your experiences with you. She's Ogbanje.

"You need to be real quiet when you are about to steal a chicken, " she said as she took two quick puffs and tossed the butt towards the sea, "you need that element of surprise when you grab it's neck, so that it doesn't start squawking.”

The moon made her yellow skin almost white. She had escaped being an albino by the skin of her teeth.

“Are we still on this chicken thing?” I asked.

She nodded.

“You should stop smoking weed girl, it does not agree with you.” I said.

“Listen, I’m serious. I mean I spent a lot of time in heaven knows how many universities and polytechnics across Nigeria, I might not have obtained one single certificate from any of them, but I was really good at stealing chicken.” She said earnestly.

I love her crazy eyes. One moment you’d think she was looking at someone over your shoulders, the next her eyes would tangle with yours.

She has ogbanje eyes.

I smiled.

“Well, thank heavens you acquired one skill. I’m sure your parents are proud.” I continued walking, trying to lessen my long strides to accommodate her shorter ones.

Tosin is delusional about her height. Everybody in the world except her knows that she barely tops 5feet, but she thinks she’s a giant.

Tosin is delusional about a lot of things.

She’s delusional about my feelings for her.

"I love you, but not like that." She would say in that deep voice of hers which is so at odds with her feminine curves.

How do you tell someone you’ve known practically all your life that you are in love with her, her mind, her craziness? How do you tell someone who does not see herself as beautiful that she’s the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever known? That you love her droopy tits, her round stomach and even rounder behind? How do you tell someone who treats you like part of the furniture when she’s taking off her clothes that she’s the most sensuous being you’ve ever known, that every girl you’ve dated paled beside her?

She'd be sleeping beside me and it would take a lot of self control for me not to curl around her.

I allowed my bare feet to sink into the sand, gritty and smooth, both at the same time. The sand and Tosin. Gritty and smooth.

“So there was this day I stole my next door neighbour’s chicken.” She said as I took a final drag and allowed the bit of rizzler in my hand to float to the ground.

“We are still on this chicken issue,”I said flatly.

She ignored my tone and continued urgently, “and then she started looking for it. As she searched for the chicken, I felt really guilty, I mean this woman is poor. She has a drunk for a husband and about six children all under the age of seven. She sells sweets, cigarettes and other little things by the roadside and barely made enough to feed herself, talk less of her family, and I had just eaten the wings of her only chicken. The guilt was so intense.”

I looked at her and smiled.

“So did you confess that you stole her chicken?” I finally asked as another wave hit the sand, pushing foamy water our way.

“I did, but she didn’t believe me.” She said sadly, “when she knocked at my door and asked her if I’d seen her chicken, I told her it was inside my pot, she only laughed and said I should please keep an eye out for it, she planned to serve it to her in-laws when they come visiting the next day. I felt really bad. Why is it that nobody ever takes me seriously?”

“Wouldn’t you feel like something is wrong if someone suddenly starts taking you seriously?” I asked her. She looked at back at me, eyes skewed.

“Let’s head back.” I said as I held out my hand to her.

She placed hers inside it. I looked at her slim, elegant fingers and kissed each one tenderly.

She laughed.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She asked.

“I’m going to take you to my place and kiss every inch of your body.” I answered.

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