Anatomy of Failure - A talk given at Stories that Shape (a Global Shapers Ibadan event)

Hi, my name is Ayodele Olofintuade, and I’m a failure.

I remember reading this to my flatmate and she wouldn’t agree with me, she asked me to change the beginning, wants me to discuss failure as a concept – ie an abstract idea, not linking it to my person because she doesn’t consider me a failure.

But – like gender, right and wrong, language, power and gesture, failure is a societal construct. According to encyclopedia.com, a social construct is an idea or notion that appears to be natural and obvious to people who accept it but, may or may not represent reality, so it remains largely an invention or artifice, of a given society. Which means that what is seen as a sign of failure in one society might not be considered failing in another society.

For example, being non-gender conforming (ie behavior or gender expression that does not match masculine and feminine gender norms) - in one society might be seen as a failure, but not in another society.

Now I’ll bring it home.

As far as the Nigerian society is concerned, I started failing right from my childhood, when I didn’t fit into the narrative of what a ‘girl’ should be. I hung out with boys, climbed trees, scraped my shins a lot (with several scars to show for it) and didn’t get on with the girls in my girls only secondary school.

I failed to get into OAU (University of Ife back then) because I didn’t get my admission letter into the department of law on time and was too ignorant to defer it.

I ended up in IMT where I, once again, failed to get above a pass, because I spent every single session either clubbing or exploring the towns in and around Enugu.

I failed when I had my first son at 24, outside wedlock.

My first published book Eno’s Story, although shortlisted for the NLNG Prize for literature, failed to clinch the prize (about 20 million naira back then). And since then the book has failed to sell up to a million copies.

I have published several titles for children, after this first book, written several articles, done a couple of investigative pieces for international bodies and attended conferences. I write speculative fiction, been published in a couple of international anthologies and some online magazines. This year I wrote my first academic paper, but I have failed to become a famous author, with the paparazzi running after me.

In 2015, I was one of the first 1000 people who won the Tony Elumelu Entreprenurship Prize (5,000 dollars or so) in 2015, which I used to set up a publishing house, and in keeping with the tag that the society insistently push on me because I refuse to play by the rules, the publishing house has failed to sell more than 200 out of over 4,000 books that are presently in storage.

Laipo Mobile Library

In 2010/2011 I had the opportunity to tour schools in the South-South (specifically Bonny Island) and South-West (Ibadan and Lagos) and I discovered the reason a lot of publishing houses are failing, nobody was gifting our children a love for reading.

This saddened me, a lot, and I decided, in my usual arrogant fashion, to do something about it, instead of just moaning.

Back then I had set up a reader’s club called Laipo Reads, but our target audience was adults. We used to hold readings and invite authors to come and read (and hopefully sell) their books. It is this same book club that morphed into a mobile library.

In the past seven or so years, the library has worked with about 50 schools in Ibadan, distributed over 25,000 books to about 10,000 children. And this is not counting the children that regularly use my sitting room library during holidays.

The unique thing about Laipo reads is that we don’t just go to these schools, hand books over to children and take pictures, we actually work with the children through a session. We go to the school on a weekly basis, hold 45minutes comprehension classes and generally act as a teacher’s support body.

Earlier this year we were able to pay the school fees of six children.

All these we’ve done with a budget that’s less than 180,000 naira annually, which means  Laipo Reads has not made up to a million naira. A big failure, when you compare this amount with what an average NGO spends in a month, but Laipo Reads is not an NGO, it’s a personal project, and nobody wants to give you money to run a project, a rather not-well-known project being run by a failed author.

Failure as a metaphor for Success
If I asked any of you today to define success for me, I’m sure words like marriage, children, riches, great career will make an appearance in almost all the sentences. But what about failure? A lot of people will say ‘God forbid bad thing’. 

John F. Kennedy, the actor turned President of the United states of America has this to say about failure. “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”

Janet Fitch, an American writer says - The Phoenix must burn to emerge.

But the most powerful sayings about the nature of success and failure comes from the Yoruba who believes that the world is not a black and white place, that there are shades of grey. They see life as Esu, the trickster, your friend one minute, a stumbling block the next. Life is bittersweet, without the sweet how can you experience the bitter? How do you identify bitter?

Failure is success, there is no way you’ll have one without the other. Without taking risks life is just bland, often times, life is just a pot of beans (what that means I don’t know because I love beans).

Up until seven years ago, I worked in about six different organizations - two publishing houses, two international schools (and not the fake ones), one church ( a well-known one) and one library that also runs a camp for teenagers.

And then I decided to stop working for people, I want to live without running on anybody’s clock, I want to be a full time writer, in Nigeria, where people ask, ‘what do you do?’ And you say, ‘I’m a writer,’ and they look at you like you’re mad and say ‘I know you’re a writer, I mean what do you really do for a living?’

And you know what?

I’m doing it! I’m making money and spending it. I’ve made more money since I resigned from my nine to five than I’ve made in my entire life working for people. I’ve travelled Nigeria and I’ve started travelling the world. I’ve had more fun, more time to explore being. I am the captain of my own ship.

So what is success?
Success is living a life that affects others positively, it is leaving a legacy behind. Success is looking back at how you’ve lived and smiling at the memories and not sighing with regret. Could have...should have...

Every year I’ve had to revise and expand my bucket list, I’ve read, I’ve loved, I’ve cried, laughed. I have an ever expanding network of friends and colleagues.

I am standing here today, an example of how far a human being can go as long as they dare to dream it, dare to do it.

I want to challenge you to examine your thoughts about failure, of fear.

What are you afraid of failing at? Do it! Have you failed at something before?
Congratulations! You have started on your path to success.