SLEEPING BEAUTY (MY VERSION)

this story was told to my 2year old earlier this year, it has been slightly modified, the original story is on my facebook notes.)

So there was this King and Queen and they don't know what to do. They had no children, no heir to leave their throne to. Oye vey! What a tragic day!
Out they went for a stroll one balmy summer evening (and please no discourse allowed on whether Nigeria has summer or not!) on their huge, expensive estate(no peasants to mar the rolling hills!). They admired the hills, the vales, their solid gold Rolls-Royce.


"Oh darling darling why can't we make babies?" The Queen cried out in a timid voice, like her heart would break.
"It's all your fault my little green eyed brunnete!" The King said sympathetically (Don’t even go down the route of Nigerians cannot be green eyed or brunette! It shows you know nothing about fashion).
"How dare you say that? I'm sure it's your fault!" The Queen screeched her timidity thrown through the window. “You can barely get it up even on your most virile days.” The King's face grew beet red and he was about to push her into the clear, cool stream flowing through their beautiful garden when the water boiled, thunder roiled and lightning lit up the dark skies. (Oh wait didn’t it start out as a summer afternoon? Well it doesn’t really matter just read on and stop asking questions!)
"Oh please don't do that!" A voice said out of the roiling waters.
"And who might you be? How dare you interrupt the King while performing his royal duties?" The King said loftily, his hands still around his lovely Queen's neck her lovely green eyes bulged and her Brazillian tresses trembled.
"Oh it is me, a magical fish, it's all good and it's true, it's your fault O King that there are no babies, but because we don't want her blood staining our beautiful stream, we'll grant you a wish, a pretty daughter will be born to you in nine months!" The fish said disappearing into the stream.
“Why a daughter? Why not a bouncy baby boy that looks exactly like his handsome daddy?” The king said indigantly.
“Well we all know why? He’d be short, rotund and as stupid as his daddy. If she was female at least she will be fine with the help of plastic surgery.” The fish said, for the queen was still coughing and trying to get air into her bruised lungs.
True to its words nine months later, the brunnette Queen and her brown haired King gave birth to a beautiful blue eyed blonde baby. (Now I've told you Kiisa, stop asking me questions like that, why can’t a Nigerian have a blonde baby? I'm not making it up! Genetics? What do you know about genetics? You're only 2years old! Now shush and let me finish reading the story to you.)
The King and the Queen threw a great 2weeks party, to celebrate the birth of their perfect princess. Everyone was invited, of course, well ... except for the bad bad witch who got slapped by Oyedepo. Although the King got wind of the fact that she might be a billionaire soon, but he can always invite her for another party WHEN she became rich.
Anybody that was anybody was there, Bank-Ole, Ote – Dollar, Patricia E-te simply had to fete the King and his lovely queen.
Anyway the bad bad witch got wind of this party and since she can, she simply flew into the party and was having a wild wild time when boring old King came and ordered her out!
"How dare you?" the bad bad witch screeched. She turned to the baby princess and pronounced these terrible words.
"Thou shall fall, on a spindle, break your neck on a bindle, lay down and die on a kindle!" The whole palace went quiet for a moment and suddenly (What's a spindle? Kiisa please stop how will I know what a spindle is when I've never seen one before? I think it is that thingamajigibob in the picture. What do you mean by saying I'm making this up? I'm reading it to you, is it me that said you shouldn't know how to read? Wo stop it or I'll stop reading o!)
Anyway suddenly people started screeching ... and lo and behold the members of the Nigerian Senate appeared, after making sure there are no gay people at the party they pronounced these words ... "We shall go and pray at Daddy GO's Church and he will make you not to die, you shall live and blah blah blah." After then they disappeared ... with all the golden utensils in the palace of course!
Truly this came to pass too, the king ordered all spindles to be removed, but as we all know that witches are very powerful the wicked bad bad witch came back ... (why are you pointing at the picture and at me? No I do not resemble the bad bad witch, although her nose and stomach somehow reminds me of me.) Eighteen years later the beautiful blue eyed blond princess touched a spindle ... well she just fell into a sleep that lasted for a century! So did every member of the King's household, and the Nigerian President came out with a press statement that "it is better to bear the burden of sleeping than to die!" and his wife came out and said "All my fellow sleeping princesses I and my husband have been asleep longer than you, though it may appear that we are not." or something to that effect.
And then they set up a committee on why spindles and princesses don’t agree. The committee of course found out why and then they went around the homes of all indicted witches and said ‘Give us dollars or we will put your name on the list of swindlers ... sorry spindlers!
Anyway a hundred years later all these princes who seem not to like princesses that are awake because they probably give them too much wahala decided to seek the sleeping princess out and marry her, after all she was rich! After one of them successfully breaks into her bedroom, he drew near to her bed and was about to kiss her when a waft of air blew up the body and mouth odor of a princess that has not had her bath or brushed her teeth in a hundred years ... he fainted and they all lived happily ever after.